My life just took a change... a drastic change.
I guess the dream I had about Jonathan predicted more of a future than I thought. I said last that I wasn't going to say anything to Jonathan over Myspace or by any means, but after tonight, I want to ask him everything and anything...
Today, Jessie's sister Emily asked me if I wanted to hang out with her in Park City with our friend Davies. We were supposed to leave by 6:30, but Davies was nowhere to be found. We drove around Emily's neighborhood trying to spot Davies' car somewhere, but we didn't find him. We eventually planned on going to Park City without him, but it quickly got too late, so we just stayed at my house.
We went to the store to buy some munchies and we found Colten, who we haven't spoken with in a while. Turns out his phone is six hours away in his cousin's car and he won't be able to get it anytime soon, so he hasn't been able to contact us to hang out. I just thought he had disappeared and he didn't want to hang out with us anymore, and I guess that wasn't the case. We went back to my house and we just chatted for a while.
Jon texted Emily. Colten and I were surprised. Emily explained to us that she went to work out at the rec center with my sister and Jonathan was there. I guess Jonathan was checking her out the entire time, but they didn't approach him right then. It wasn't until later that he added her on Myspace and started talking to her, asking if it was her that he saw working out, and I guess since then they've been talking to each other. She explained that they've been texting a lot and he told her that he doesn't associate himself with his old "friends" and instead is working on getting completely clean and not delve into drugs or alcohol anymore.
I think Jonathan's just horny and he picked Emily as his prey, which isn't bad...
Emily asked if she could invite Jonathan over. My eyes nearly popped out of my head. I didn't know how I felt about that, especially after the dream. Colten said that if Jonathan was coming over, he was leaving. He said that Jonathan made him feel uncomfortable, not because of who Jonathan is, but just because Jonathan has never been around Colten and Colten doesn't like to be around new people. I told Emily that it was fine of him to come over. He said that he'd like to, but he needed to wake up early in the morning and asked us to pop in to his house instead. Colten said he wasn't coming with us, so he went home while Emily and I climbed in the car.
I tried not thinking about the dream or anything about the past. It was as if I was going to meet Jonathan for the first time... but I knew everything about him. I explained to Emily what had happened between me and him and she said that if I felt uncomfortable around him she would take me home. As we drove, though, I was actually feeling quite excited.
We pulled up to his house and got out of the car. We walk to his door and instead of knocking we text him. It's 10 at night and we didn't want to wake anyone up. During this time, his now two dogs come out to sniff us. I recognized one instantly because one of the dogs came and sat next to me as if it recognized me. It was the same dog that, four years ago, got sprayed by a skunk then tried to get in the tent where Jonathan and I were. I really loved that dog like my own, and just seeing it brought back the memories I wasn't thinking about.
Jon showed up at his door soon after took us downstairs to the basement where he lived. He lived with his mom, although I couldn't help but feel drastic separation. I got the feeling that he lived there by default and that his mother didn't want much to do with him, which isn't surprising. After the parents split is when Jonathan got worse, and I don't know how the viewpoints of each person are, but something isn't right there.
Jonathan lives in the basement. It's a small basement, but it's his, which is more than I can say for myself. It's basically a really small apartment sans a stove, which means he probably does his cooking and such upstairs. The first thing that I notice is the smell. It smells funny... it smells like Jon has been living there. The smell of his room hasn't changed over the years, and it was comforting, just like his dog was. The only thing that was a bit awkward was that he was in his pajamas. He wasn't shirtless (and let's thank the stars for that! He's been working out!) or anything, but just to know he was getting ready for bed seemed like we were intruding.
I looked around his room. It was pretty simple. It was rectangular in shape with his bed in the far corner. He had a bigger television than I remember, and he also had a large, wooden computer desk/cupboard and chair that took up most of the space. On top of this desk were three empty bottles of alcohol: Jack Daniels, Grey Goose, and some other which I can't recall. Behind these bottles stood a paper award from an old elementary school and his GED certificate, framed. He had a couple of posters up on his walls, but I didn't pay attention to them. I noticed he had a dresser and on this dresser was an award trophy of some sort. He had a newspaper clipping about a guy our age getting 20-life in prison for something. I didn't read the article because I was distracted by his piercings laying on top of the article. He made a comment about losing one of his ear gauges and being sad about it. He didn't have any other piercings on his face other than his ears, so I hope he's not planning on getting repierced. His bed was unmade, as if he was already laying in it before we came. I had a feeling he was masturbating, as he always did like that a lot, but I didn't ask. He had, at the head of his bed, a vibrating seat thing, like the back of an armchair along with the actual arms. He also had a TempurPedic mattress, so of course he'd want to spend time in his bed.
Emily and I sat down on his bed as we talked for a bit. He said he had plans of attending college for some sort of BA then going to graduate school elsewhere. He asked me if I was still acting, and I told him that's what I was pursuing in school as well as a double minor in music and business. His face lit up when I told him about the music part. He always was a musical fellow. It made me happy to know that he was still interested in me in a sense.
After we talked for a bit, he put on South Park. We watched the pirate episode. He said it was his favorite episode out of all he's seen. "He always loved pirates enough to make them his role models. I remember he never stopped quoting and saying things about Pirates of the Caribbean..." is what went through my head when he said that. "To this day, I still look at Jack Sparrow as my main role model." I looked down and smiled.
Jonathan fronts. That's all he did these past few years. He was still the same person on the inside and only wore masks on the outside. There was a point where he was on the computer and I found myself staring at him for a bit, but not because of how attractive he is, but because I felt inside that Jonathan was truly thinking of changing his life and straightening out his act. It was easy to hide my smile because I find South Park hilarious, and this one was nothing short of that. Secretly, I want Jonathan to become the person he once used to be, but I know that can never be again.
His friends have definitely changed him permanently in some ways. Whatever drugs he did took a toll on him. He was a bit slower. His speech was a bit dumbed down, but that could also have been a factor of being tired. He seemed like a recovering druggie. But, he was fighting to change. I could sense it. His friends also changed him in ways I can't see, but would like to be able to.
Once Emily and I left and went to our respective homes after hugging Jon goodbye (YES, he voluntarily gave me a hug, and no, I didn't feel all "OMG his pecs and his body are so MMM" like I would have before), I started texting her and telling her that I felt great after seeing Jonathan be himself, although I was worried that he found it awkward. She said that she feels as if Jonathan would like to restart a friendship with me. I told her it was almost impossible to forget a best friend, let alone a best-friend-turned-first-crush. I also told her that I didn't know if he looked at me in a different light. I don't know how many homosexuals he's befriended since me, but I have a feelings it's next to none. So if his friends, who like to throw the word "fag" around as something negative, brainwashed him in some sense, I hope it wasn't too bad.
But... my feelings aren't the only one involved. My mother knows that Jonathan and I were best friend than lost contact. I told her tonight that I went to his house and I explained to her how I felt about the situation minus the fact that I found him attractive. She doesn't know that. She told me that she's seen Jonathan work out at the rec center... while being lovey-dovey with Emily. I knew something was going on there, but I didn't know it went that far. Jessie and I know what Jonathan wants: sex. He wants sex, and Jessie can't seem to think otherwise. I tried to convince her that from what I saw and from what my mother described, Jonathan respects Emily and won't do anything she won't do, which is how he acted when he was with Destinee. Jessie wants to unleash her wrath, but I asked her to refrain until I know what Jonathat's motives and Emily's feelings are.
So we're going to have a bonfire later in the week! :D
Bottom lines:
Me + Emily + boredom = Jon.
Jon + Emily + (Me + time) = Heavy observation for Emily's sake.
Jon + Emily + Me + time = Hanging out.
Jon + Me + time = ??Re: Best Friends??
Time = 2 months before I leave for Cedar again.... and I don't know how I feel about this anymore...
yet.
