Tell Me A Story...

... about your best friend: Well, one day, I never knew Jessie. I just knew she was in the band and I'd see her every so often but I didn't go up to talk to her. I didn't know her until our friend Crystal introduced us on a trip to the zoo in 7th grade. It was for a science assignment, and we spent all day together. On the bus back home, I thought she was a pretty cool girl, and since then, we've pretty much been amazing best friends. :D

... about the time you and your mother's biggest argument: Ha. My mother and I argued the worst one time when it came to me fooling around with a guy in her house. It was quite funny actually. I was playing around with one of my friends and my younger sister saw, so while I was away, my sister asked my mother why I was on top of my friend. She thought we were having sex with my then-eight-year-old sister in the house. So we got into a huge argument about respect in her house and how I need to respect her rules (which I didn't even know existed, by the way). Then the conversation shifted drastically to a point of view match to something along the lines of concern of diseases and such. It was actually quite funny how it all played out. And in the end, she asked why I hadn't told her about me and that friend and how we were a couple. That's when I couldn't stop uncontrollably laughing.

... about the room you're in: Umm... nothing special has particularly happened in this room. It's my ten-year-old sister's pink-infested Barbie room. We cleaned it all out yesterday and today, but it still feels cluttered. Erm... it's... pink. And the window right now is open and I'm freezing. I should probably shut it, but I should finish this story first. Umm... This is the room where the Wii's power cord broke... and where most of my other sister's old posters ended up, with the young sister trying to be cool.... I'm done. There's nothing special about this room.

... about the last person you talked to on the phone: AWW, PAYDEN! We had a lovely, lovely, LOVELY phone conversation the other day about boys and how they're lame and how they need to be more like us, because we should practically be the mold for all men everywhere. Although... that would get fairly boring at times, so it's mainly the fact that we don't like one night stands and that we want something real and something that lasts more than two weeks. I really do value Payden in my life. I told him that not having him around is like losing a part of my body (I said a foot, I believe) and if that's the case, I've been limping around for the past three weeks without him.

And no. I don't have a crush on Payden, although it may sound like it. He knows that. :)

... about what you valued most as a kid: Umm... as in a toy? Or what? I didn't have many worries as a kid, so I didn't have many things I valued. I didn't really have much as a kid. Just a few things here and there. I wasn't ever jealous of everyone else, but I did look at what all the other kids had and asked myself why I never had that, or why my parents couldn't ever get me that. Not that I was underprivileged, I didn't understand that until I realized that I had things that other kids wanted. So, I figured later that there was a constant "Why don't I have that" while growing up not just from my part but from other people as well.

... about the last three people you have history with: Ugh.... fuck. Seriously?

The most recent one I had "history" with... I guess I can say we still talk. We're friends. It's not bad. It just took a lot from his part to finally get to talk to me again after I ended things. At first it felt right, but after a while... a SHORT while, it didn't feel right, and I felt like I didn't need to put up with it. So before it got better or worse, ultimately we both decided that we shouldn't see each other anymore. I was over it very quickly, because I'm strong-willed and level headed and I didn't let it get to me at all, but him... it took him a while. It annoyed me at first, but eh. I got over it. And so did he.

Before that.... Bah. I hate this story. There was this guy that I liked and from what I understood, he liked me, but for some reason, we never ended up getting the official "title" if you know what I mean. We'd hang out a lot after school, but eventually he stopped talking to me altogether. I found it it was because another guy came into his life and asked him for the "title," and when this other guy found out about me, he got jealous and asked to cut contact with me. It was the most ridiculous thing I've heard, and I told him that when I got them both on the phone on a three-way call. I wanted to tell my friend that it wasn't going to last long, but I know he'd give me the whole "jealous" speech, so I didn't say anything... until it actually happened. I figured he still had feelings for me, but when I spent nearly ten months asking him about it, all he told me is that he didn't have feelings for me anymore, and I'll never find out about them... because he just won't tell me. So I'm thinking I was one of those "friends with benefits." What do I think of friends with benefits? Well, I think that I'm a friend most of the time until it benefits them. So... I went off to school and he hardly talked to me. So I thought I just annoyed him. Meh. Whatever. He can do what he wants now that he's going to college. I'll end up laughing anyway.

And then there's THIS one... It might as well have been a relationship. It went on for nearly two years, for God's sake. He was the one that all the girls wanted, all the girls desired, and all the boys were jealous of BECAUSE the girls wanted him. Obviously, he didn't want girls, and I was the only one who knew it. Out of all the people he ever had contact with, not one would think he was gay. Except for me. I found out first hand that fated October night. I wasn't hooked from the beginning because it seemed mainly experimental, but eventually feelings developed and it was the worst mistake anyone could have ever done. I let myself be used, to put things simply. At the time I didn't exactly use those terms. Instead I tricked myself into that beat-up housewife mentality: "I have to do this. I have to do this for him. I know he'll change. He just has to. Then we'll be happy together. I just know it." Time went on and the same excuses were made. He wouldn't talk to me outside of those special meetings we held every now and then, about twice a week. Yes. Twice a week. For about a year and a half total. One night we were scared shitless when the unthinkable happened and someone found us fooling around. This is when parents were involved, as well as irrational behavior. At the same time I was realizing that my fantasy was not going to come true. That eventful night when we said "I love you" to each other, on the floor, nearly naked... the only night I thought it was true and sincere... everything changed. Tears were involved from that moment on, from both parties. I saw his, but he never saw mine. We tried on working on just being friends, but it was hard on his part because he became addicted. But what we both thought was an addiction turned out to be human nature. And I was hurt deeply. Mainly because what I thought would NEVER happen to me did, and because of what my thoughts on the entire thing were. I became bitter.

Thanks to him, I'm still bitter. He's off in the world, doing his own thing, doing what he feared for so long, for as long as he was with me. I'm glad he got to find himself... at my expense.

Still bitter.

***

On a related side note, I saw Ghosts of Girlfriends Past. Loved the film, HATE the thoughts it gave me afterwards....

My thoughts are now reeling about weddings. Mainly... the wedding I want to have...

Ugh. It's late. Goodnight. More on this later. Fersherrr.....